First

It was late at night when it all started
I remember hearing my own breaths as it collides with air
I didn’t know what I was feeling, I couldn’t think straight, “this doesn’t feels right” kept ringing in my mind

It was the night I decided to part
I decided to distance myself
2 to 3 steps
2 to 3 more steps
another 2 to 3 more steps, until I fade away.

I realize that I was holding to a hand that was never there
lying on a back that was completely broken.
Holding on to something that will break eventually.

I trust too much, I open myself too much, I say “yes” too much, and realize too much is never enough.

What was it like to be alone?
No air to share, no room left to care.
It was the night that suddenly telling me to go.
A voice crawling through my chest begging me to stop reaching.
To be far. To be quiet. To stay low. And that’s what I did.

I’m lost with the wind. Distance myself from everybody. Making lines and walls that once weren’t there. Adding more doors after doors. Hoping it will keep me from all of the noise, noises of the heartless. And it did.

A festive night now turn into one solid pitch dark night. So quiet that the air decided to speak up. So soft and loud. So thin and visible.

And the distance began.
A month, another month, another month, turns into one solid year.

Progressively moving away, I came to the state of adjusments. The phase of solitude, nights of full contentment. I have never been so much aware than this. Actually breathing every air I could find. And the more I clearly see, it reveals so many hidden scars I didn’t know was there.

One night I kept seeing fake smiles, fake words, promises and affections that didn’t last.
What was I thinking?
I haven’t feel myself in a long time, it makes me numb to feel even more.
I open my eyes, and all I see is dying love.